ST: The Famous Alien

This is the episode with the famous green alien that Kirk fights. You know, the one with the ridiculous rock-throwing imitation bit? No? Not sure what I'm talking about? This bit, here. Yeah, this one. It's called Arena. We'll see if the rest of it was as ridiculous as that bit, after the jump.

We open on the Enterprise orbiting a world and McCoy and Kirk share an awkward moment of small talk.

Sad to say, I've just noticed that Chekov isn't part of the crew yet. Or did I notice that earlier?

Another usage of "red alert" in this episode; two episodes running I think means that we can take it as established terminology.

Three extras beam down with Kirk, Bones and Spock to find that the summons from the outpost was faked and it's all been destroyed. Aaaand! One of the extras has a red shirt. Maybe we'll establish another convention this episode.

All right! The red shirt buys the farm!

Sulu seems to have been left in charge on board the ship? What happened to Scotty?

Oddly, in this universe of phasers, the enemy seems to be shelling our heroes with conventional artillery. They hear a whistle of a shell long before the explosion.

Sulu leaves the away team behind on orders because he can't defeat the enemy in orbit, Kirk runs for the armory.

The mortar tube doesn't look too ridiculous, but the shells look like plastic Easter eggs.

After Kirk shells the enemy back, they flee and Kirk and crew beam up and give chase.

Red alert again; that settles that.

Kirk decides that the enemy is testing defense in a prelude to invasion and determines that the only possible explanation is his. Spock wants to disagree, but Kirk doesn't even let him finish his sentences. Kirk turns into a revenge-made Ahab.

Ooh, warp factor 8. Scotty already warned him about warp 7 being dangerous. The Ahab-ity of it all is amping up.

Ah, now I get it. Arena. After cruising past an unknown solar system, both the alien being chased and the Enterprise are held in place after being scanned. And, shortly, I'm betting a pair of captains will be sent down to a planet to duke it out mano a mano.

Ah, Sulu. So nice he was able to make the obvious comment for everyone. Kirk disappears, Uhura screams. Everyone looks for a minute and Sulu speaks... "He's gone."

Right on. It's the most ridiculous fight in the world. The Gorn is so slow as to be unbelievable. The suit is awful; it's so clearly a man in a rubber Godzilla-like suit.

There's the fake-rock throwing... *sigh*.

I guess the foley for the rocks isn't too awful.

Kirk is a moron. Everything he's saying that he thinks is simply being recorded is actually being broadcast to the Gorn. Of course, why the Gorn should be able to understand him, that is not explained.

Bones once again antagonizes Spock about not doing enough to help the Captain "Where's your precious logic now?"

The Gorn is already hard at work building a weapon, Kirk keeps running around looking for guns lying on the ground.

Kirk struggles to push an obviously fake rock over a cliff onto the Gorn, Wile E. Coyote style. It appears to work, but he's clearly never seen a horror film, because as soon as he reaches the body, the Gorn gets up and chases him again. Kirk runs right into the deadfall that the Gorn set.

Here comes the Gorn with his crude knife to kill Kirk while he's down and wounded. Kirk ought to die for being so stupid.

On another note, it's astonishing how frequently they allowed the actors to appear on screen with their hair askew even when they haven't been physically exerting themselves.

Now they're getting a television feed on the Enterprise of Kirk's battle with the alien.

Hey, why did Kirk get excited about the diamonds? I thought they didn't have money and wealth there in the 23rd and a half century?

It's kinda like MacGyver, with Kirk making a primitive gun, but I'm pretty sure it's a bit more work they they're making it out to be.

Oh, Kirk gets all soft and sappy at the end after shooting the Gorn and refuses the coup de grace.

Apparently the Metrones look like fey, limp-wristed, Roman nancy-boys. In sparkly dresses.

Hey, nice. They cleaned him and his uniform up before sending him back to his ship.